September 01 "MEMORIES OF JULIA ON BELLISSIMA LAGO MAGGIORE"

Okay, after this particular entry, I'll get back to the reality of my snappy, zippy-dippy life in the "Big Apple", but for now, I'm going to share with you some more of my memories of this past August en la bellissima Lago Maggiore.

When I travel, I don't like travel like a "typical American tourist" (no offense to typical Americans) and by that I mean, I do not have to see absolutely everything there is to see in 2 days or less. I went to Lago Maggiore to visit my friend, Julie (yeah you know, Downtown Julie Brown) and to relax and "live" the life of the people living on the lake. I hadn't seen Julie since last year, (my "annus horribiles") when she saw me on death's doorstep in the hospital dieing, (yes, literally dieing) of pneumonia. But obviously I didn't! So, this was our reunion vacation, so i wanted to spend as much time with her as possible. In fact, I think we went out to a public place (Vespuccis) only twice in 3 weeks. Why is that, because Julie and Martin (her handsome and very smart entrepreneurial husband who was absentee this summer because he couldn't break away from LA) have great friends in Lago Maggiore), so Julie and I were invited to everbody's homes for lunches, dinners and partees, woo-hoo! And every other friend's home or villa or
"casa" as they like to call them, were bigger, better amd more grand than the next. Some were charming and innovative and displayed interesting architectural elements which meshed synergistically with the natural beauty of the lake.

Now Lago Maggiore is quite the beautiful lake, where all the posh and affluent people from Milano have their summer homes, or else they summer in Lago di Como, another getaway for the super-rich, world traveling types (i.e George Clooney, Donatella Versace). I was informed that George (Mr. Clooney if you're nasty) looked at this massive estate on Lago Maggiore (it looked like a bloody resort), but decided that it was tooo public and could be easily spied upon from onlookers and sleazy paparazzi disguising themselves as hardworking fishermen (PS I don't believe they allow fishing on Lago Maggiore). In other words, there was no privacy!

So back to me!!! I was up for doing nothing but dressing well and eating fabulous Italian cuisine from all of the wonderful chefs and cooks in the lovely homes on the lake. So what did I do? I acted like a bloody American tourist; or to be more accurate a Japanese tourist (as one bigwig at Loro Piana, Signore Franco Artom, fondly exclaimed to me) and I took hundreds of photographs of everthing.... and I mean everything. "Oh, there's a leaf that's shining brightly in the sun with a lovely drop of dog-pee, oh, let me get a photo of that!" "Oh, look at that window with the sun shining brightly. Julie quick, get over there and pose. How very Vermeer that looks!" I mean REALLY! That's how silly I was, but Julie played along and did everything I asked her to do and fortunately, none of my hosts minded....fancy that! If that was America, I would have been ousted out and charged with "invasion of personal space", or some other stupid American ego-maniacal charge. Italians are soooo gracious, but don't fuck with them and definitely do not wear the wrong shoes or attire! They are a very proud and proper people and are very much into social ettiquette and protocol.... but somehow they still do manage to have a fabulous life! Maybe it's the lighting there! They just seem to look better than we do!

So enough said, here are some more of my memories of Julie on Lago Maggiore. Can't you just feel, smell and taste the life??? Grazie mile a Alberto e Gabriella Maccione, e Mimi e Franco Artom. Your hospitality and graciousness was much appreciated!

Montgomery Frazier "The Image Guru"